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Oh dear God,

I can not think of any better journal entry than this at the moment.  I'm rereading some of my older things, and I feel like this entry should be a kind of FML entry.  I remember giving myself this task for writing every single day... BUT IT'S BEEN A YEAR (and more at that) and sure didn't take me long to stop my very own challenge didn't it?  I do remember keeping a list of topics for each day I started to miss, but as that list grew, so did the metaphorical mountain and tall mountains which aren't necessary for me to climb are often walked around...

Did that make sense?

I suppose I've never been one to write in a journal.  I do have a diary here, somewhere, and I desperately need to find it.  It has entries that I want no one to see.  I'm pretty sure the only reason I can't find it is because I've hidden it somewhere and don't remember.  I'm sure someone would've said something if they found it and read it.  I shake my fist at them otherwise. 

Really, I do bottle up inside yet I can't write down what I feel because for the most part, I can get over things quickly.  So then I end up shaking my head at what I wrote and just, don't want to see it again.  Maybe it's because I don't like the idea of people looking at what I usually hide.  In my head I know that only what, one or two people may read my entries?  Or no one for my actual journal.  Still kinda bugs me.  I bet subconsciously I want people to notice?  But then wouldn't I write about it more? Isn't this healthier for me since I don't like to talk about my own problem unless it's to help someone else?

Alrighty, *shakes head* so I am disappointed in myself, mainly because I'm usually better at self imposed challenges.  Jogging, exercises, painting... it's just writing.  True, I do get bored.  For instance my jogging has been lacking but I did keep it up for months... I do dislike hot hot weather jogging in my defense and I still go when the feeling's right... So other than Nanowrimo, I can't seem to focus as well.  Sure I get bored easily but I like writing.  I don't get it.  Even now I should be finishing a letter than should've been been sent over two months ago.  I owe my penpal a big apology. In fact, I will get to writing as soon as I post this and sign up for something a friend recommend I try out.

Hmm, I wonder will this make it for my 500 words challenge?  Well, before I leave I do realize that I start out with high expectations of myself.  Maybe it shouldn't be every day or maybe it should, but I do need to be more patient with myself.  Mountains need to be climbed one step at a time.  Steps always look tiny compared to mountains but they are conquered this way.  If there's something I've learned between my last post and this one, it's that I need to accept myself and be patient with myself.  It's a lot harder than it sounds, and I never really knew what accepting something meant or felt like until recently.  There's a difference between acknowledging something and accepting it.  I can't improve any area of my life by attacking and being frustrated with myself, otherwise my energy is not a 100% where it should be.  So for now, let's just see what happens and get to moseying.  Honestly, I do enjoy reading my posts from before so I'll keep trying.

Onward and upwards! 

Words: 626/500

EXP: Lol...

3 Lines

EXP:  Brought about by thinking of Anime North and the 404s.  One game was to incorporate every second line from actual mangas into their skit.  So when I was thinking of how I should also practice writing fiction, the idea came to me: take 3 lines from a book and come up with something.  Lol every second line would be cheating right? So three lines have been randomly taken from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets...annnnnd as I look at them I want to reread the entire series!!!!  ARRGHHH!!  The thirst for HP has been reborn!! (lol, try to guess who's talking and what was happening~)

Lines: 
"This way," he shouted, and he began to run, up the stairs, into the Entrance Hall. (pg 105)
"Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. [...]" (pg 63)
He had been speaking for half an hour when something happened that had never happened before. (pg 113)

He was bent over the sink trying to convince himself that none of this was real.  He had been speaking for half an hour when something happened that had never happened before...the alarm sounded and of all people, Narsha was the one to find.  Not you, he thought despairingly. This means that....

"Already?" Lawrence asked aloud.  He knew he needn't ask but it pained him to hear it.  He tried to tell himself that this wasn't real either.  It didn't help matters any that he had just been given the responsibility of the Head Sect of all Sects...and now this.

"Yes," she replied solemnly.
 
He cursed to himself upon hearing the confirmation.   "This damned school will be the death of me,"  Lawrence commented.  "I never thought this much shit would happen to me..."  To be frank however, he would have never changed any of it.  Lawrence knew in his heart of hearts he would push through any obstacles to continue onto the next step.  That's why they chose him after all.  He would do his best to rise to the occasion, and become the person he's always wanted to be.  He thrived on that feeling of determination, but for now his musings needed to stop.  He shook his head.  "This way,"  he shouted, and he began to run, up the stairs, into the Entrance Hall.  I can do this, he thought. Once beyond the doors, Lawrence led Narsha past the many sofas, low tables, pillows and blankets that littered the floor throughout the Entrance Hall.  The younger one winced as he took hold of her hand and the two of them pressed on.  His grip around her wrist was hurting but she couldn't bring herself to say anything more than she already had.  "I know," he said surprisingly calm, "it's so empty here now..."  Though misinterpreting her expression, Narsha silently agreed with her friend. Yet, more than anything, she felt the cold of the room more unnerving.  The fireplaces and the continually active students in the Entrance Hall always gave it a warm atmosphere.  A comfortable embrace which welcomed you with open arms, she remembered hearing, now it feels more like a frozen tomb.  "We're almost there," Lawrence added, and reached the other side, moving into the hallway.  Then, suddenly, he jumped through one of the windows which looked onto the courtyard and disappeared with a portion of her arm.

"What the?" Narsha whispered bewildered.  Part of Lawrence popped back through immediately.

"Hurry," he ordered, "I'm not supposed to show this to anyone without a titled position! We need to be quick about this."  Narsha's eyes widened  at the statement and made to jump through, but she was stopped by the hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should also be more aware of your surroundings," The figured intoned.  His frame was rigid and unforgiving.  "Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me."  The two students were frozen in their tracks. 

"Jaden..." Narsha hissed. She quickly changed from feeling despondent to being filled with rage.  She made to hit him, but the hand on her should seemed to keep her still.

Jaden scoffed and  narrowed his eyes onto Lawrence.  "You shame your status and ranks..."

"The hell!?"  Narsha snarled, frustrated at her predicament, "you're traitor! Shut up! You have no right to even set foot in this place again!" She spat to his face, every one of her muscles flexing, trying to move.  "You bastard!"

...I didn't even hear or feel him coming, Lawrence realized in horror.  He rapidly let go of Narsha's hand-only to find he couldn't. Damn it!  "But...When?" Lawrence wondered as Jaden's lips quirked upwards.  He placed a level eight trap on me on top of the barrier he placed on Narsha...  How could this have happened?  WHEN DID HE GET THIS STRONG?

"You're both coming with me," Jaden announced as he spun on his heels and forcefully yanked the two immobile students.  Humming to himself, Jaden casually walked through the halls dragging the two helplessly behind him like ragged dolls.  There was no left to stop him.  There was no one left to help.

Words: 698/500 (though feels like more~)

Tags:

8x8 (D7)

EXP:  So an 8x8, what is that?  Unlike other posts I felt I needed to explain this before and not after ...I got this idea from a book called Writing from the Heart.  It explained that sometimes if you're tired of writing, or you feel uninspired or anything that made you stop, that you can do small exercises to step back and push out some words or rejuvenate yourself.  This exercise is simple: you are made up of a lot of different people.  You have different roles and titles (past, present, imagined or otherwise) and each of them act differently.  Try to write from their perspective.  For me, I chose 8 different 'me's and wrote 8 lines to each of them explaining how they react/ feel/ think about a specific situation.  (Lol I am lame~)  It's because 8 is my favourite and lucky number!  Go on ahead and try it out for fun with any special rules you want!!

Situation:  Oh?  It's already past midnight?

The DAUGHTER:  Ahhh, if it's this late of course Dad would've nagged me already like he did yesterday.  I wish he wouldn't do that!  Mom thankfully doesn't do it as much, but I know when I'm tired or not, and I can decide when to sleep really.  I suppose it's nice that he's worried but it really bugs me for some reason.  I can't really discipline my sleep like they do, so I don't think they completely understand. Eh well, I'm pretty sure they won't change about it like I won't change either, but they never really stay up late so it's alright.  They probably enjoy the quiet mornings the way I enjoy the quiet nights.  Besides, Mom and Dad have pretty much accept it and expect me to act like the night owl I am.

The STUDENT:  AHAhahahahahaah!  Why do I always wait late to do my homework?  I need to go to bed, but I never really feel motivated enough to do everything before hand.  I think it takes more work to just do work so scheduled and early.  Oh well, I gotta roll up my sleeves.  Maybe I do it late because of the quiet?  No one will judge my background music and it's quiet and I can get down to business.  Aha, of course I already know my reasons, and I'm just procrastinating again.

The NIGHT AUDITOR:  Yay it's already Midnight!  I'm not bored yet because I still have to do paperwork (which I need to draw out otherwise I'll be bored even longer later).  It might've been better to have a big row of guests to sign in, or too much paperwork to do because pretty soon there will be nothing to do for hours.  Kinda feels weird to think of midnight as early.  Maybe it's because I'm not at home so I don't get the same feeling and atmosphere which I'm not sure I like.  I mean I took this job since I can stay up this late, but I would rather not stay here until 7am, preferably it would've been something like 4am.  Eh well, I can dwell on that later and try to focus on these remotely interesting things before I overthink.  Don't get me wrong, I've like front desk/ receptionist duties, but I like them when they keep me busy.

The CAT LOVER: I wonder what Pippin does when he goes out at night, or at all really.  I picture him in the forest curiously adventuring.  Kinda wish I could do that too or just follow him and see what's up.  Ahhhh, he's so cute <3 but he's no hunter like Casper was.  At least he's got long hair, which is super soft, and he is quite cuddly, which of course makes me wish he were inside now.  There's a 50/50 chance he'll come back in the house at this point, so I should probably check to see about his food and water. Need to check the backyard door before heading up to see if he wants in.  Ahhhhhh, I love my baby~!

The ARTIST:  Midnight is much too quiet, I'd prefer 2 or 3am really.  Either way though, I do love the stillness of the night.  It's tranquil out here but there's also a lot of new noises, sights and feelings out at night.  Things like a full moon, the dark clouds, the softer winds and seeing another side of something gives me contentment.  I only wish I could draw in the dark, but there's something industrious about the day I admit.  I think that nighttime gives me time to think (oh ho ho ho).  I come up with a lot more daydreams, writings, musings and images throughout the night.  I'm proud of them too, but again, why can't my eyes somehow magically adjust (but not really) to darkness so I can create things in this darkness?

The GOURMET:  Ah, if it's midnight and the last time I ate a 'meal' was like 7-8ish, that means I can make my noodles and not have to eat anything else before bed.  It's a good thing I discovered the awesomness of the black noodles since it's so easy to make and tastes excellent.  It's also a good thing I have the 20 pack of them though I wish I could add more steamed veggies, or an egg, or really I would like those squishy rice things that she said they only ate at New Years.  I just can't help the fact that it's too late to cook, but snacks just won't do!  I blame the Food Network for giving me even more of a pressing need for deliciousness and variety.  I suppose I could also have some of those McCain's pizzas since they are awesomely good too despite being 'home fast food'.  Oh my, I need to eat soon otherwise I'll slobber even more.  Here I come perfect noodles~

The FANGIRL:  Crap it's midnight already!?  I was supposed to be working out right now but dammit this fanfic is addictive.  Oh it's sooooo goood.  I don't know when to stop, but I should be doing other stuff shouldn't I?  Sighhhhhh, why can't I read more?  Especially cuz I know I'll probably zone out in front of the yet to be turned on tv and daydream.  The fanfic in my head is just that awesome and it needs to be fed by other awesome fanfics and shows and books, so either way I'm screwed ne? But I should try to go do my work out at least, soooooooooooo-- justonemorechapter...


Words: 932/500

Confessions from a Birthday Girl (D6)

It's either you celebrate your birthday with a big bang or you don't celebrate it at all.  Really.

This year, I had a lot of ideas but the situation is that I can't have everyone together anymore.  We're not in school so our schedules are too different and THIS SUCKS.  So I decided to split it up.  Make a get together on the Tuesday night and an official party on Saturday.  Mistake number one.  Not knowing what we were doing exactly, I opted to tell everyone not to give me presents.  Mistake number two.  I updated via emails and I believe I acted happy but very considerate of others' schedule.  Mistake number three.

Now on Tuesday seeing almost everyone was fun, especially considering one person couldn't come on Saturday.  The day went well and I was very pleased with it all.  Someone paid for my miniputting and someone else bought me ice cream.  On Saturday I was a bit let down.  I was excited to see someone I hadn't seen in a while and someone else managed to come over for a bit when they previously couldn't.  Those parts were good.  In fact when we played a few games and watched a movie it was fun.  But, it lacked a sort of excitement.  I had decorations and a cake with candles, but just something as minor as people showing up late was a serious cut down on fun time.  Oh your car might not be working?  Well I can give you a ride so write like it's possible to make it... 

It's just the little things.  They add up.  Sigh.  I was sad at one point because I didn't feel all that important and maybe it's just that we're growing up but who the hell cares?  I'm getting old each year and you think I should just chill on the day that I look back on?  Birthdays aren't really fun unless you make them fun.  No one wants to be reminded that they're getting older.  No one wants to have to look back and compare this year to those before and see inadequacies we humans tend to dwell on (with friends you look back on the good times). No one wants to be bored on their birthday.  We make it such a big thing that if it doesn't get to be big it seems unimportant which gives the message that you aren't worth the celebration.  To each their own desires.  It could be a quiet dinner or a getaway on a cruise... either way your birthday should be worth the one day for people to celebrate the way you are meant to be celebrated.

Next year I'll make an official big party and we'll go camping or something; this year, splitting it up gave up some of the excitement and necessary presence.  Next year I'll ask for presents; I'm not greedy, but having people think about what you want and what you'll enjoy, and then receiving gifts that people thought about and cared enough to give you is pretty awesome (isn't that why Christmas is so popular?).  And next year, I won't take no for an answer; there are things that can't be helped but consider that it's one day out of 365... I'm sure you can spare one for your friend  and act excited just as I'll do for you.

EXP:  Originally I was at a lost of what I wanted to write, but considering this is still a journal in all I supposed writing about my day was good enough.  In hindsight, I think I would've preferred to write a piece of fiction.  Oh well :p
Words: 561/500

Tags:

15 Minutes to 500 words (D5)

Ready....Set....Go!!!

OK! So I have 15 minutes to create this blog and hopefully make it into something remotely interesting.  Moving on before I fix my typos (I always feel an itch to automatically go back to fix my mistakes!), let's see what's going through my mind at this very moment:

Well, to be honest I'm thinking about how I will be going to a coffee shop with bad hours (really?  Wednesday you close at 5pm?) and I'm pretty happy about it since I love their drinks and the atmosphere.  It's just the hours are bad... but before then I should go for a walk ne?  I've been working out, but yesterday I worked too much so today's an easy day.  You see, I spent pretty much all of my day helping make these signs.  So, since I'm dedicated to working (it was easy though) I was pretty much squished up on the floor writing letters on a sign.  They looked really nice but it took longer than I thought.  Eh well, it took me longer than I thought to trace them in the first place, you'd think I'd learn?  Nope.  Apparently not.  I'm smart you see but I guess it fades in and out. 

Anywho, beyond that I was thinking about how my posts are actually late.  I started on this a while ago, and when I finally did my Day 2 of my year long writing project (surprise!  Now you know what all this D-stuff is about!) I managed to do one a day, but since I'm behind I keep wanting to catch up... but I write one day!  And so maybe today I will write three?  Who knows.  I mean I have to go to that coffee shop and solve puzzles afterward.  And speaking of puzzles *cough videogames cough*, I finally bought myself FFXIII!!  After two tries I got the right HDMI cables and I'm ready to watch Advent Children Complete but to also play my precious new Final Fantasy game!  But I also got this game for my b-day (Borderlands) and I think I'll play that one with my mom... after we play a lot of Modern Warfare 2 since that's our drug of the moment.  Ehhh... I also have Persona 3 that I need to continue... and Persona 4 I need to start >.>  I suppose I could schedule my video gaming?  I should since I had started on the single player of Modern Warfare and I was going to try F.E.A.R.2.  And on that note, isn't it nice that I used it's soundtrack to write some of my Nanowrimo?  I think so!

On my Nano, I feel as if I should be doing work on it but I also need to continue my fanfic first.  I had my friends give me a prompt and I finally have inspiration on it.  I want to do it, and this, and two more projects but it's kinda confusing with all the other stuff I have to do.  I mean I don't have a job and haven't had one in a while.  I need to deal with getting one, deciding my future (since I'm going back to school) and deal with everything else that comes with getting my apparent "life" back.  And then there's all that other stuff that I want to do. 

But moving on!  I only have a few minutes!  Alright, so I want to edit my Nano and I'm ashamed to say I haven't touched it since November.  It was kind of a big thing (I loved it though!) but it was such a big thing that when I was done I was too exhausted, and frankly unmotivated, to touch it again.  I knew it wasn't as good as I wanted.  My characters were weak where in my head they weren't.  I need to discover how to translate things from my head to my paper in the right way.  In a way it's the same thing as my recent post ... but---Damn times up!  Time for me to edit... and I was just getting into it.  Maybe talking about my Nano can be a post of it's own, and maybe this project will lead me to finally do my nano properly... who knows. Was nice to limit myself today though.

EXP:  So this post was started because I thought about Nanowrimo.  Do you know what it is?  In short it's this: NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth (Nanowrimo).  So during November you try to write a novel so to speak... or at least make it to 50k words (some do fanfics, poems and other things).  I participated in this last year and I remember that in order to motivate me into writing enough to catch up (lol déjà vu?), I would time 15 or 20 minutes and write super fast without editing. It's this way that I managed to finish on time.  I thought it'd be cool to do it here too since I'm late!  I'm late I'm late I'm late! *rabbit runs around*
Words: 715/500

Tags:

Death Scene (D4)

Imagine something common.  Imagine a car crash... or maybe a heart attack from the lifestyle you've led...  I'll attempt the crash.

It's late at night, and the other car has driven away in fear of their actions... or whatever catastrophically cowardly action.  Guilt will haunt them forever.  Worse part is that I will never know them and will they ever found out who I am?  Will they try to make amends or will I drive them to suicide?  Will they care or manage to move past?   I will not in my last moment figure out the mystery.  It's frustrating, I just want to know, and it's just one more tragedy.

The scene is this:  me in a ditch, squished between the metal pieces of my car.

It hurts.  But even more alarming to me is my fear...I open my mouth to breathe and blood comes out; I cough and cough and grimace.  My lungs burn and I breathe heavily.  I look around but it's hard to move.  Why can't it move?  I whimper.  I notice that my blood is everywhere.  Why?  What? And I can't move.  I'm constricted, and the pain... but I push through and hear the aches and screech as I managed to free an arm.  I can move my arm, I want to get out!  I reach and pull but I'm stuck.  And there's glass and it cuts but I try again anyways.  And it hurts...My vision darkens and my headlights strike out into the night but I can't contemplate if someone will stop to help and when.... I panic...my hear races, my eyes widen.  Why?  Why can't I feel my legs?  Where are they!? WHY?  No no no no no.... this can't be happening to me!  No fucking way!  I look down and start to cry.  Fuck no! I desperately try to deny it.  My legs are crushed, and I've been clawing the dashboard, and there's a tree. A big broken fucking tree and then there's me.  And oh god no...I'm going to die.  But I don't want to.  Why is this happening to me?  I cry and I cry and my lungs gasp for air and my vision is blurry.  No......nooo.... not me.  There's too much saliva and a tang of iron in my mouth and I cry out but all I here is a pathetic wail.  I'm so scared. 

What's the point of trying to get out of the car?  I'll lose to much blood. And I realize... there's no way out.  No solution.  I can't escape.  I collapse on the dashboard and I keep sobbing.  My cheeks are sticky and wet and I'm so afraid.  I hear nothing and I know that I'm all alone.  And I going to die alone.  Mom!!!  Dad!  Sister, brother, friend, anyone...anyone...My legs are gone, I don't have them anymore and I'm just a torso.  My left arm has a broken wrist and it's stuck.  My right arm is spread out on the dashboard and it's cut up and there's blood everywhere and I don't what to do.  I can't think.  I can't feel.  I'm dying and I can't stop crying.  Why me?  I don't want this.  I'm still denying that my body is broken and I'm almost -NO!  I can't think it!  I can't die here!

I continue to panic, and heave.  I'm mortal.  NO!  This isn't the end!  I have an expiration date.  My family... what are they going to think?  I cry more thinking of their horror.  I was just on my way back from visiting a friend.  They'll only find out tomorrow morning... no they'll be woken up and who's going to tell them? And everybody will eventually be told tomorrow.  And NO!  I don't want to leave them I loved them.  And I'm so sorry.  I don't want to leave I want to stay.  My friends... they can't take this.  They'll be so sad I don't want them to be sad, i don't want to them to go away...  I'm not sleeping...this is real?  No this can't be real.  I whimper and I'm a pile of nothing but desparation.  I'm clinging to life when I know there's no way out.  And I'm alone.  I'm going to die and they're going to keep living and I want to be alive to be with everyone and I want to keep living.  I want to keep breathing.  I keep crying and this is sooo long.  I can't believe I haven't collapsed from gripping panic.  I bang my head.  I'm lost.  Somebody help me. I cry.  There's mucus and salty tears all over the place, my vision is a bit red,  my tears cover my face.  I can't breathe or see because I'm crying so hard and I'm so lost and alone and there's no one here.  How long has it been?  NO!  Don't think about time!  Breathe... pretend...  deny... I might survive... I can just calm down.  Pitter pat, pitter pat.  My heart slows... and continues slowing... and I'm sad... I'm going to miss watching this show... reading this manga...I'll never figure the ending to this thing...I never got to see him in concert... I could've gone here and done this... all this crap I could do and all my potential is gone.  Pitter pat...Pitter....Pat.  I'm so tired...I'm so empty...I want to cry again but I can't...

because I'm dead. 

My wide open eyes are unblinking. 
My broken body still. 
My skin will pale and I will decompose. 
And I will be gone forever. 
Erased, because I'm dead and it all stops. 
Everything stops, and I was scared, but since I am dead I don't feel anything anymore. 
I am empty and I am nothing and some day that will be you too.

EXP:  I watched a death scene from a show I like and I was unsatisfied with it.  I thought of writing a death scene from a fictional standpoint but then it turned into something else.  I wanted to try and see how dying in this car crash would feel and what I would think.  It's messy and I'm not entirely please with it... but I can't keep touching it since it comes from a place that throws things out.  And I'm drained...Maybe one day this can be less raw and it will convey the full meaning of my emotions the way I want them too...
Words: 957/500

My Story on Exercise (D3)

It's come and gone.
It's been there in a whole sleuth and variety of ways...
It's called working out, physical exercise, improving health, dieting, eating better, fresh clean livin' and I've dedicated myself to it.  It's official, I've become something new. 
The skinny chick is going to eat healthier and work out like she's overweight and in need of losing those pounds for the sake of her life span and mental well being.  In the end it's almost the truth.

The mother always did say I had the body and mind to be good at most sports, but I tended to like Track and Field as opposed to something like soccer (football).  Yet, I wouldn't really think of taking them until I was in highschool.  I took the mandatory one year course and once we got on the track I hated/loved it but stood near the back.  My lifestyle is a paradox though so I was out of shape but capable of not being... I like my internet, video games, reading, homework and daydreaming... I do enjoy walking, biking, swimming and dancing but those happen less often.  So I was skinny because of my super fast metabolism, but weak because I don't eat healthy and I don't work out.  BUT!  Two weeks in my gym class I was near the head of the pack on the track. Taddaa.  I liked this, since I tried to join up the Running group but fell behind.  This showed that I could try again...but I didn't.  And when gym ended I learned three things: 1. I like non sports exercise and can be good at it (because I just kept seeing the progress)  2. Warm ups and after exercise stretches are super important if you dislike pain  3.  I could potentially do this without gym class.  That last part never really happened or should I say it never really caught on since I did try.  Don't get me wrong, I waited a while to get my driver's license and so walked a lot.  I also did physical activities especially during summer.  Somehow though I never had a clear routine and I still ate a lot of sweets.  It wasn't really until my friend wanted to loose weight that I started doing all of it.

When my friend wanted to slim down I knew from a lot things that lifestyle changes were the first step.  She lived with me for a while, so her changes would be mine too.  That's how I wanted to show my support but also motivate me.  Curiously, my mother also wanted to try it out and so she bought a magical item known as the WiiFit.  It really was a big push in the right direction and I did some exercise planning for us and everything was awesome.  Then when she left I slowly stopped.  I wondered why but now that I've started again I believe the reason was time.  I don't mean like not having enough of it, because if you really want it you make the time for it.  However I found that when I exercise, I was a morning person.  Truthfully I wake in the pm and sleep in the am, yet, with exercising as soon as I wake up I was ok with it.  Even when I changed my schedule to bring it closer to a normal person schedule, I was okay doing it all in the morning.

On another note though,  I noticed changes that have worked themselves in other ways.  If you're confused, I'm talking about my food.  Slowly I've been cutting back on the crap.  I also adored sweet things (in addition to crap lol), which is why it surprises me when my tongue decides to tell me that I'm wrong in assuming I'll like this piece of cake.  Technically it started when I was in elementary school.  I stopped drinking Coke which my family tends to drink daily.  I did this since my brother doesn't like any soft drinks and talked about the sugar content.  It's like all of a sudden it opened up my eyes and I get a congested feeling simply thinking of drinking the full can.  It's expanded since then to other soft drinks.  More recently though, is that I slowly cut out all of my sugar out of my tea.  Now I don't even touch Orange Pekoe since it's strong without sugar and I enjoy my white teas.  But when it happened it was because of that friend I spoke of...yet it stuck with me even after the exercise.  Now, though I still like sweets, I find myself incapable of eating even half as much as I used to.  Especially candy and chocolate bars.  It's like I miss it but don't and if I eat to much I have the feeling like it will make me sick.  It's a domino effect and it spreads.

So with my little story thrown out there, here's the real deal:  I want to be healthy and happy.  My body feels clean but so does my mind.  This is like therapy and I'll wrap up today's writing with the guts of the topic.  I offer the next few points to all of you wanting the same thing as me.  I got it, you can too:

-REALITY CHECK:  notice yourself and notice what you eat... how much of it... what is it... and then check out your sleep and physical activities...what you do for work and how you feel about all of it.  Then once you understand what it is you do and why, think of improvement

-start slowly cutting back on sweets and sugary foods... and then actually look at ingredients on boxes and stuff and see how much of it has either some type of sugar, starch or corn syrup in it.  Check out the vitamins, the fiber content and sugars on the sides.  There's a lot out there, and it's a pain to see and realize how tough your next grocery shopping jaunt will be but take it in stride.  You'll want to try new fresh foods but really tough it out for at least 2 weeks. I'm not saying chuck it all out, just be aware and see how you change 

-you'll pick up on things but here's what you should look for:  2g of fiber in cereals and such, you want less then 8g of sugar in anything, try for a variety of foods, cut the salt, less eating out, and meals needs to be balanced= 1/3 protein (fish), 1/3 veggie or fruits (asparagus) and 1/3 white/brown food (rice/bread)

-for drinks it's water, milk or juice, we try to cut back on all else but doesn't mean you need say bye bye forever~

-plan your exercise and try to do it at different times of the day to see what you like best, try to get someone to do it with you or do it when you cannot be bothered or feel embarrassed to do it

-always switch the clothing for both your hygiene and mental preparedness, you get motivated with the get up

-find out what you like to do for exercises, what you reaaaaaaallllly want of them (the actual reason for all of this) and remember to find that feel good factor from the healthy lifestyle change

-talk to people about it, they love giving advice and ideas and can support you

-warming up and stretching after exercise = reallllllly good idea

-the internet is your friend: want to know how to do crunches without hurting your knees?  Youtube it.  Want information on your health?  Go check out doctoroz.com

In the end, I found that all my efforts over time have accumulated.  I can string together moments and events and see how it leads me here.  My goal pushed me but in a way I've achieved it. That's the thing about the 'diet and exercise' deal though, even after you reach your goal you continue.  You keep progressing and it feels real good.

EXP:  Sigh, another happy yoga day and I thought why not talk about it.  I feel good just thinking about it.
Words: 1336/500

Today's Study (D2)

"Alright, now that I've taken attendance, I want you all to please look carefully at your alien computer terminal,"  the Alien Teacher said with authority.  "As you've all passed the prerequisites, I would like to formally introduce you all to the Advanced Human Studies class!"  The alien students gave her a variety of alien reactions but were mainly silent and calm.  Alien Teacher nodded in satisfaction.  "I'm sure you all know that we here on the Alien Mothership pride ourselves on having the highest quality of students!  As such, I expect, no... that is to say I know how serious, ambitious and clever you are already.  So let us begin the alien term with a fulfilling exercise.  Can anyalien guess what it is that is showing up on your alien terminals?"

"I respectfully would like to answer," said Alien C3, raising a lithe hand.  With the nod of the Alien teacher, he/she continued, "I see a physical description of a 22 year old human female.  She is physically healthy and her descriptors indicate that she is quite typical.  However there is no other information and this is indicates that we are looking at an incomplete human profile."

"Very good!" Alien beamed but without her lazor.  "And I here will be teaching you how to find out this information!"  Pointing to her larger projected alien terminal, Alien Teacher made two windows pop up.  "Here is your assignment:  you will read the text, an alien anthropological report, that a typical Alien Observer would write, and use this to try and profile the human personality."

"Awesome, I knew signing up to the School of Ecological studies of the Universe was the best choice!" Alien F8 exclaimed before he/she blushed in embarrassment at an expression of joy that was not typical of his/hers alien peers.  Casting his/her eyes downwards, he/she began to read the alien script hoping to be forgotten:

Subject #:28360088
Event Category:  Routine
Event Descriptor:  Nighttime-preparation before sleeping
Total Average Time:  15 Earth minutes
Report By: ALUfbbbbfu738  TTasbfoephwj*80

Subj. is ordinarily already dressed in sleepwear and often heads straight to the washing room instead of the sleeping room.  Subj. must often walk to her second floor in the dark.  She feels the walls and makes her way easily to her washing room where she closes the door before lighting the room.  Lighting the room also activates a fan.  She first uses the tooth cleaning brush by wetting it and then adding the tooth cleaning paste.  As she brushes she uses the excrement depository device and goes back to the sink.  Still brushing her teeth, the subj. seems to pray her night prayers and brushes to the rhythm of the words in order to concentrate better.  Otherwise the subj. seems to daydream or inspect her reflection.  She also brushes cheeks and tongue.  The subj. washes her mouth outside, spits out some of the foam while keeping some of it created, and rinses her hands and tooth cleaning brush.  Utilizing her hand as a cup, she takes in some water to mix with the foam and vigorously gargles and swishes.  Spitting the substance out, she continues to rinse the inside of her mouth with water.  Once done she closes her eyes and begins to wet her face.  She lathers with a simple soap bar both her hands and face.  Subj. slowly rinses by taking a little bit of water in alternate handfuls to maximize bubbles. Once done she wipes her eyes and hands and pats dry the rest of her face.

Important Notes:  Subj.  tries to minimize water usage.  Subj.  does not wash face if she has already done so during her shower, otherwise she only washes her hands.  Subj.  is not pleased when her hair gets in her face while washing.

QUESTIONS TO COMPLETE HUMAN PROFILE:
Personality profile (cultural profiling is your alien homework):

Please describ your alien thoughts on how this human relates to common human personality traits.  Please provide proof from the report above in describing this human.  Here is an example:

Night Owl:  As she must turn off all lights before heading for her sleeping quarters, I believe this human prefers to be awake during the night hours.  Furthermore, this is proven by the fact that 'she easily finds her way to the washing room' and thus shows that she is familiar walking around during dark hours.

Due Date:  Please submit your alien homework via the Alien Virtual Network by 27:49 PM.

EXP:  I was doing my nighttime routine and I had just changed it and thought: "Does this mean that I've personally went through a change?"  and I've always thought of how little actions and routines may give away small details about me.  That and I've analyzed it myself so I thought why not have fun with it and see what else I can see if I write it out.  Well, I noticed a lot of details which weren't added in... I try to censor my super detailed thoughts... in the end I already knew what I found out.
-Words: 732/500

The First Challenge (D1)

The hardest part is the beginning.  It's always so hard because where does it all start?


For every stumble you took, for every time you tripped, we were there to catch you.  We were foolish, and how foolish we were...And looking back we shake our heads in disappointment at you and at ourselves, yet, I have a different point of view from us.  Maybe one day you will understand what it is I feel as I don't know it myself.

Dear fool,

I'm so stunned.  What is it that happened?  When did this start?  I blinked and something changed.  I don't get it.  I don't get it how you don't get it.  I'm confused because how is it not clear to you.  If I turn my sight away from you for a while, will you go back or change again?  And you do... everytime... just never for the better.  What do I do?

Dear fool,

I have failed.  I look at others and feel inadequate and frustrated.  Is there someone out there to help me?  My efforts are not enough to keep you here.  I am not strong enough.  It's my fault.  I can do it, but I don't.  Maybe if I were more determined, less obsessed with my inner musing to listen to the outside... I feel as if I could have stopped it but never took it far enough.  I am pretty pathetic in that case, and maybe even now I'm running away.  After all, I cared of their opinions enough for mine not to be heard.  I am stupid.  If only, if only, if only...if, if, if....If only I were more selfish and didn't stare blankly.  Or is it less selfish and glaring?

Dear fool,

Lost.  It is what you are... and sad is what I am.  But over the clouds, there's the sun and then there's the rainbow.  I was so happy, but of course... rainbows never last.  They are fleeting.

Dear fool,

I'm in the middle, as usual.  That's the place I've always been right?  I'm between two sides of a war and I get to see the both of them direct their energies towards each other.  Maybe you and they should stand back and see what I see.  Because I can see it all.  I always see it.  I always have to listen.  So, smile again.  I know you are lying.  I know that they are tired.

Dear fool,

I hate you.  There it is:  emotionally charged and full of hate, but I mean it.  I would say it over and over again, but it never gets to you does it?  Would it change something?  I would say it again... if only I didn't love you either.  There it is:  emotionally charged, but I mean it.  I would say it over and over again, but it never gets to you does it? I would say that it's bad that I can't get through to you, but the worst part is that I would say the both of them again, if only I really did care.  Because I don't anymore.

Dear fool,

Thank you for being foolish one last time.  Simply because it is the last time.  The burden is gone: do you get it now?

P.S.  I'm eating this lovely orange and it tastes damn frickin' good.



We will be there if you can catch up to us, just don't expect us to look back.  I used to think that acting this way was heartless but now I see how necessary it is. We aren't foolish.  Enjoy picking yourself up, enjoy how hard it is and enjoy how lonely it is.

If the beginning is always the hardest part, suffice it to say, that the ending is always the easiest.  And it was.


EXP:  She left us a long time ago, but today we left too.


Writer's Block: Countdown

If a catastrophe struck and you had to leave your home in a hurry (and never return), what items would you grab in your last ten minutes, and why?

In a flurry of TEN MINUTES, I would race to the bedroom and grab a bag stuffing in some clothes (dude, underwear is super important), some books I haven't read yet and my Ipod.  Yes the Ipod, music is everything.  My sister once took (yes, no permission involved) for a week and a half and I was lost.  I don't sleep right away at night and I like having my Ipod if I need to listen to music (just the option itself is nice), I like taking walks too (musical option very necessary and welcomed), and Ipod's are portable (oh the options~).

But coming back~ I would then DASH!  Shazam downstairs for the Ipod charger (gotta think long term yo) and curse about how I didn't buy myself a portable gaming device... I love video games... how dear they are to me~ I would hope for some out there somewhere.

But then I would come to my senses and run to the kitchen for some food, run to the washroom for soaps and first-aid, run to the middle of it all and wonder... is there anything else? 

"There isn't much else on my list and it only took me five minutes," I would think to myself.

But then I would race back up stairs to grab a blanket (I could swear I was the inspiration for the Snuggie~  yet I refuse to buy one vehemently).
On my way down the stairs I would start thinking about my home.  It would start to hit me then.  I would be leaving basically my entire life here.  The objects I find I can leave behind but the memories.... I wouldn't be able to take the photos with me.

So I think with my last few moments I would grab my mother's camera and my cell phone with their chargers.  I can't take my photos and their albums with me, they're too big and too many, but I can make some new ones. 

Then as I race for the exit, and I knew I had all my material possessions, I'd grab the cat and his food and make sure whoever else is supposed to be with me is actually with me.